Wherever you go, go with all your heart.

May 22

Why does everything have to go so wrong omg. Like can i have ONE day thats just good thats all i want. It’s just so fucking stressful because i am annoyed with things going on, plus i have my own personal issues and there’s just nobody to help me with this. It’s like people want to but they can’t and im so alone and idfk why i have to feel this way.
And I just have no fear of dying like i want it so bad but i can’t stand the thought of hurting the few people that im close with. Because i wouldn’t ever want to cause other people pain so its like im still here living my life for others. And thats so me because I’ve never done a damn thing for myself… I do everything people tell me to and i try to help everyone with their issues and not mention mine often. It’s just stressful and im tired and i want to feel normal like everyone and thats what kills me. Everyone else gets to feel normal and i try to act that way but i don’t feel it and im afraid that i never will again. I just want my fucking life back holy shit. An I’ve felt this way for 4 years. I remember just waking up one day feeling so shitty but i thought “it’s just a bad day ill be fine tomorrow” but i wasn’t. And my normal mood never came back. That bad mood stayed. I got better at hiding it but i really wish i knew what took my happiness that night. Like i was sleeping and someone stole it and i woke up and it was gone and i never found it. And there are people and things that make it so muh better and make me feel okay and normal and happy for moments at a time, but i want it permanently. Maybe thts just selfish. Oh my god its like 1am i need to stop. Idk what im saying. But I feel better that i typed it out;*